WiseArts

Storytime!

My husband and I went out for a bike ride this evening. We picked up some Subways and rode over to a nearby park to eat at a shaded picnic table. We were watching kids playing on the playground and talking about various things, when a lone woman j-walked across the street and sat down in a swing about 5 feet away from us. We didn’t think much of it and kept talking and eating. After a few minutes, I noticed that kids and parents in adjacent swings were heading for other corners of the playground.

The lady hollered out, “NO KIDS HUH?”

“I DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS EITHER AND I COME HERE ALL THE TIME!”

Then she launched into a LOUD conversation (well… I didn’t say anything… does it still count as a conversation?) about how TV news lies to us about the war and tries to scare us, and how she knows some commanding officer’s wife, and SHE told her the truth about what’s going on in the war, and how our country is going to heck. And then…

“WHAT COUNTRY ARE WE LIVING IN?”

I thought this was a rhetorical question, and smiled and nodded as if I agreed with her.

“NO, I’M SERIOUS! WHAT COUNTRY ARE WE LIVING IN?”

I could see that I was supposed to answer. Was this a trick question? Hesitantly I replied, “The United States of America?”

“YES, THAT’S RIGHT. NONE OF THAT AMERICA CRAP. I ASK HUNDREDS OF KIDS THAT SAME QUESTION AND MOST OF THEM SAY AMERICA.” She says the word “America” with such disdain and makes a hillarious face. “WHERE DO THEY GET THAT FROM!? IT’S THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE COUNTRY IS CALLED.” She pauses. “HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

I replied. I should have not said anything, rolled up my sub and walked away. She got up and sat down at the table with us. My husband gave me a helpless smile. We’re too damn polite. She was covered in sweat, her short hair plastered to her head, she had a washcloth draped around her neck.

“WELL I’M 50. I’M SO HOT WITH MENOPAUSE AND EVERYTHING.” (referring to her sweaty condition) “I LIVE OVER THERE.” (pointing to some houses across the street)

I’ll spare you the agony of the next 15 minutes and paraphrase the rest of the “conversation”. She talked on and on as we ate. I couldn’t have gotten a word in edge-wise if I had wanted to.

• She smokes, loves cigars, she thinks smoking some brand of “all natural” cigarettes makes her “damn migraines” go away. She is appalled about the smoking ban in restaurants and says that’s why all the restaurants are closing. It’s a free country and if she wants to smoke in a restaurant, everyone should get out of her way.
• She knows Paul Someone-or-other (also living across the street, evidently running for some sort of office), and is going to vote for him in the next election. She knows he agrees with her position and is going to help her open up some restaurants for smokers.
• She says Barack Obama is going to win for President, but he’s too young and doesn’t have enough experience. That’s why Hillary would be better. Hillary should be President and Barack, Vice-President.
• She says “this recycling thing” is a bunch of crap. She says we ship the stuff over to China and then buy it back, and we waste more money on recycling than we save by doing it.
• She says people are too dependent on plastic (I sheepishly take a swig out of my bottle of Coke), and everyone should carry around their own cups. If people stop buying things in plastic, “they” won’t make as much.
• Food has too many chemicals and preservatives. She can taste when there’s something bad in food, and she only eats natural food. She knows someone who runs a restaurant and his wife can taste preservatives in food, and so they only serve food she says is okay.
• She says that she walks around the east side of the nearby lake every morning, thinking and saying prayers. She said for the last few weeks there have been dead fish washing up on the shore. This morning there was 137 dead fish. She “got” two huge northern pike (motioning as to their hugeness with her hands). She took them home and put them in her freezer. They were still smelly, the eyes were already whitened over… (I tried so hard not to make a funny face at this, but she could tell I thought that was strange, and she laughed a little and waved her hands as if a bit embarassed). She also found a huge carp and it weighed 50 pounds.
• She called the DNR about the fish deaths and they said it was due to the extreme temperature changes. She thinks that’s crap and it’s really due to toxins from nearby road construction. She thinks “they” take too much money from us in taxes and waste it on road construction, and they should just “fill the holes and be done with it”. She used to live on a farm and that was the way road construction was done out there.

She got up and took a step as if she were going to walk away at this point, saying that she was sorry to bother us for so long… She sat back down and continued on…

• She also thinks “they” take too much money for Social Security and they don’t actually give all the money to Social Security recipients. She’s old and she isn’t going to see any of that money.

She got up as if to leave again, saying sorry that she’s taken so much of our time… She put her foot on the bench and continued on…

• She asked me how old I was again, and I answered politely. She said again that she asks hundreds of kids and they all say America. She says that “we’re” going to get Paul What’s-his-face elected in and we’re going to make some changes.

“WELL, I’LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE NOW.” She turned and started walking away. She turned back and abruptly said “GOOD BYE!”

My husband and I smiled at each other, simultaneously stood up, picked up our trash, and walked briskly towards our bikes. We rode away quickly.

If you enjoy making soldered pendants from glass slides, or want to add another dimension to stained glass art, try adding shapes cut from copper sheet and copper mesh!

I made this pendant using recycled watch crystals, prints of antique photo postcards, tinned copper wire, copper sheet, and copper mesh. I used regular copper tape around the watch crystals (the images sandwiched inside), and fluxed and soldered normally. I added a jump ring for hanging too. Then I first added the copper mesh layer. Cut this stuff with metal cutters, don’t wreck your scissors. Flux only needs to be added to the mesh pieces right where they will join the ornament. Wherever flux is added, that’s where solder will flow. Too much flux makes a mess of it!

After I added the mesh pieces, then I did the same steps to add the cut copper pieces. Then I added squiggles of tinned copper wire that I shaped with jewelry pliers. Added on a string to hang it, and it was ready to go! If you take care not to add too much flux, the back will end up looking nice too!

The wire mesh comes in a flat package like this. I usually find it near the clay/sculpting supplies, but it might be near scrapbooking goods too. The copper sheet comes rolled in a tube, and it won’t be far away. It is usually used for metal embossing. The tinned copper wire was purchased from a stained-glass supply shop. You can find it online too.

It would be fun to use photos of your favorite kids and pets for this project. I love to use antique photo postcard images for these sort of projects too. I’ve been acquiring them inexpensively at antique shops and flea markets. If you don’t have any images handy, you can use this one for your project!

If you haven’t attempted soldering yet, you may want to check out this tutorial at StarLitStudio. Cindy goes through the steps and tools you need to complete a basic soldered pendant. You’ll also want to look at the Art-E-Zine Collage Pendants page. Lots of inspiration and instruction there too!

I found a cookbook at the thrift store called Crepe Cookery by Mable Hoffman. This book has several different crepe batter recipes and hundreds of lovely things you can make using your crepes for any course of a meal. They’re not just for breakfast!

For dinner this evening, I made a batch of the “All Purpose Crepe Batter I” (pg. 12). Also from the thrift store, I happen to have a Perfect Pancake pan that used to be sold on TV. I got mine for $2.99! Since I’m terrible at flipping and turning things over without losing them to the floor or ripping them to shreds, I decided it would be great to try out Perfect Pancake on my crepes.

I made the batter exactly as specified in the book. When it was ready, I heated up Perfect Pancake. The first few crepes I made were too thick, which makes them mushy in the middle. Surprisingly little crepe batter is needed to make them just the right thickness. I used this mixing spoon — a level spoonful was just the right amount to put in the Perfect Pancake.

I swirled the batter around to coat the pan like the book suggested, and then let it sit until the edges started to brown.

Then, the fun part! FLIP!

Because the first half of Perfect Pancake has a curve to keep the batter in, I found that the crepes needed to get flattened a little after flipping to cook as evenly as possible.

I wasn’t counting, but I think I got about 30 crepes out of the batch. I made a pizza crepe to eat tonight, and I’m freezing the rest to use later. (I put them in plastic freezer bags separated with freezer paper. According to Crepe Cookery they store for up to 4 months in the freezer and can be reheated by microwave.) For my pizza crepe, I layered on: sauce, zucchini, fresh tomato, sliced “baby bella” mushrooms, fresh basil, turkey pepperoni, and feta and mozzarella cheese. I put it in the oven at 350 for about 12 minutes. The crepe stays soft in the middle, so you can’t pick it up like a regular slice. Folding it N.Y. style worked well.

If you want to get a copy of the book, used copies can be gotten very cheaply on Amazon and eBay. I recommend it. It contains more than you’d ever want to know about cooking with crepes!